Fear

Fear

A gnat humming in my ear,

fluttering just inside the line of my vision

Irritating, annoying but insignificant.

A brief wave of my hand, a flick of my finger

I brush it away.

A yapping dog, nipping at my ankles,

twining between my legs, making me stumble.

Persistent, insistent, aggravating

I speak sharply, shooing 

kicking it aside 

And now,

Now

Fire breathing, winged dragon

Eyes blazing green, angry tail whipping at me

I fall, grappling for my sword

It looms over me, wings flapping lazily

daring me, challenging me, threatening me.

I swallow the heavy lump in my throat,

flex my fingers, re-grasping my gleaming weapon,

square my shoulders and step toward it.

Lunging-

parry, thrust,

press forward, fall back,

the eternal dance.

My back is to the abyss, forcing the creature upward,

rounding spiraled stair

Behind it I glimpse the gilded gates of home

Behind me icy wind whispers around my neck

My strength is failing, my steps falter,

weary tears blind me

The beast roars

And in sudden fury I roar in reply

The gates swing open

I force the beast back once more with the last of my will

It staggers on the mirrored courtyard

Whimpers and shrivels,

A gnat I can crush with my heel

Do Not Doubt

I am weak,

Helpless

Mewling on the floor

Pain overwhelming

                Feeling

                         Invisible

                                Forgotten

                                                Alone

Have you left me too?

Followed the others?

You promised you never would

One thing I know

Absolute

Your word is true

Rocksolid

             If I stop flailing;

                             Hurt, angry, afraid-

You will be there,

Holding me near

Whispering comfort and assurance-

Do not doubt,

                   do not doubt

Every Once in a While

I have been far too silent now, for far too long.  I do not know why; sometimes the Muse is silent, and the longer I go without putting pen to page the harder it is to begin again.  I have determined to try to change that once again.

Yesterday was my birthday. Number forty six.  I look in the mirror & confess some days I see every year, but more often than not it is the girl I used to be staring back at me; unsure, but young & filled with dreams & hope that those dreams might come true.  And sometimes both of us are there, the ingénue and the disillusioned, wounded soul, denying fear & doubt.

My oldest (that is most long standing, she is four months my junior, a fact she likes to underline as we mark the passing years) friend and I had lunch last week to celebrate and the gift she gave me was marked with the phrase "A friend is someone who knows your heart's song & sings it to you when you forget the words."  I have to wonder, looking back just how many times we have sung to each other, and how many more times we will.  Friends like this are rare & beautiful treasures, and she reminded me with her gifts, which included note paper, of my gift, of the song I am supposed to be singing.  I wrote this as a thank you, and joined a FaceBook group dedicated to "30 Days of Hustle" determined to figure out how to make the dream a reality.  Part of that pledge is to write here & post more.

Every once in a while

comes someone who knows your heartsong

The melody of friendshiplove played in perfect harmony

Each note unheard before

                 still somehow just right

Reaching through sorrow

                a healing lullaby

in joy sharing exultation

Standing firm shoulder to shoulder lifting battle cry

Love pure as untouched fields

                snow glistening in the brilliant sun

sweet & reaffirming

                rainbow arcing through thunderclouds

 sure and steady as the setting and the rising sun

the sky painted a riotous song of colour

                Never twice the same and yet unchanging

the paean of the universe, the opus of the wind

Husband

Husband

Heartslove

no priest to speak the words

Only your heart & mine

Pledging surety & fidelity

No gilded rings

But my heart is surely bound to yours;

 a circle much purer than gold

Summer’s breeze our choir

Moonlight

The incense of desire

To thee I pledge my troth

Sweet communion, the wine of your kiss

It were always you I sought

Only you

Always you

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.  

Always, All Ways

K

Communion

Early morning communion

The bread & wine of pre-dawn silence

Coffee table altar

Being

Still

Crying out

Loss

Fear

Longing

Finding you there;

Waiting

Still.

Your Caress 

gently dries

Mourning dew

Whispering

Hope

Believe

Murmuring

 Hold fast

Birdsong at the window

Sunrise paints the sky

It is well, it is well

Callouses

Bruised & calloused,

Aching knees

I am a poor supplicant

My eyes dimmed & blurred

My voice raw & choked

My battered heart

Bleeding

In my hands

Offered to You

With one plea

Storm clouds gather

Lightning flashes, thunder roars

All of heaven weeps with me

I have sung in the storm

My voice drowned out by wind

Stumbling blind,

face down in the mud

Silence the whispers, the lies

Restore the sun

Replace dirges with psalms

Cover this broken, naked soul again

I am falling, plummeting

Hurtling terrified to earth

Limbs flailing, helpless

Waking with a start

Secure in Your embrace

My feet again find

Solid ground,

 Rock beneath my feet

A Tribute

Today marks the birthday of a very special person in my life.  We have been friends for as long as either of us can remember.  Since we both claim to be in our 20s I will not confess just how many years it actually is.  We were childhood playmates, we survived the traumas of high school together, shared the joys & trials of motherhood, the heartbreak of marriages ending.  We have celebrated life, and carried each other through life's trials.  To celebrate the unique & rare bond we share I wanted to do something special for her.  A simple wrapped gift was somehow not quite enough.
This was that gift.

How do you sum up a kinship?

A friendship?

A lifetime?

For some things there are no words,

even for a poor Wordsmith like me.

And yet, nonetheless

Something......something

 flows between

you & I

One heart to another;

Together we have laughed, wept

From Kool-Aid to coffee

Toasted triumphs, mourned losses

An unbreachable circle of two

Lovers, husbands, children, friends

However alone I ever felt

I knew there was You

I was not so alone anymore

No need for explanations, for back story

One glance, we know the other's heart.

We have not always agreed, approved or understood

But always, always loved, defended, supported

Beloved Friend

Heart Sister

My life has been overwhelmed with grace & gifts

chief most your unwavering love

Have a happy and truly blessed birthday, my beloved friend, and a year worthy of you.  Thank you for being a part of my life.