Hide & Seek

We played Hide & Seek a lot when I was a kid...or maybe I just remember it that way, but I have fond memories of playing in the semi-dark of a summer evening, diving behind the shrubbery in my grandmother's garden, trying to sneak into "home" without getting caught. There was a certain exhilaration to finding the perfect hiding spot, to remaining undetected as the seeker walked by. It was sometimes hard to decide whether to boast about, and thus share, the best spots, or to keep it a guarded secret for the next game.

Life is a little like that now, I think. We hide our true selves, our struggles, our doubts, our fears, terrified that if the people around us knew our lives were not picture perfect they would somehow think less of us. Any yet we all long to be known. As a woman, especially as a single woman (although I desperately longed for this in my previous relationships) what I want most is a partner who knows me well enough to know by the tilt of my head, a glance into my eyes to know something is wrong, who can hear in my voice all those secret things. And I want to do the same for him. To be in a place where I don't need to hide my true, flawed self.

This desire to be known is so fundamental as the Psalmist wrote:
You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. (Psalm 1391:12)
What an assurance! The intimate knowlege we all long for...even when we try to hide, there is no hiding from the one who created us.
Sometimes when we played Hide & Seek someone would hide too well and we'd give up looking, knowing eventually they'd come out. It was a bittersweet victory-knowing you had stayed so well concealed, but to be forgotten or given up on too?

It's growing dark, the dew has begun to rise and it is time to be found-come on in from the cold.

Hide & Seek
I called out to you-
Your voice echoed back
But the more I sought you
The more elusive you became

I searched mountain tops
And shadowed valleys
In bright sunlight
And moonless dark
In familiar corners of home
And across the seas

Where have you gone, my darling, my love/
Will you not let yourself be found?
There are no winners, no losers in this game.

I weary of seeking…
If I cease will you grow weary of hiding?
Become the seeker and find me?