Home Alone

It has been a odd week.  It's funny, when you have all this time on your hands how grand your plans get, and how little you really accomplish....or is it just me?
Emily spent the weekend with her dad, nothing unusual there.  We did a little shopping before I dropped her off, got her a new swim suit in anticipation of the coming weeks' swimming lessons and a few things for back to school.  It was fun.  She is becoming a more pleasant companion all the time.
Sunday afternoon I picked her up and took her to her grandmother's where she will be spending the next two weeks, spending time with her cousins and her grandparents and taking swimming lessons.
From all reports thus far she is having a great time with lots of adventures.
It occurred to me sometime Saturday this is probably the longest we have ever been apart.  It gave me pause.  As an infant and toddler was quite literally attached to me like a cockle bur, I couldn't go to the bathroom without her, or without listening to her howl outside the door.  Dropping her off at daycare was terrible for several years, although as soon as I left she was fine.  And even though she couldn't tell time the tears of woe and feared abandonment started around 5 pm.  I was a little worried about leaving her at kindergarten that warm fall morning six years ago....but she waved goodbye to me and joined her new classmates with scarcely a second look.
There have been overnight visits at the babysitter's because I have a late night planned, and until very recently these were met tearfully too.  Eventually overnights with her dad became a part of the routine too, although these were met with no angst.  I suppose she is growing up.

I confess the house seems very empty and quiet.  She has already been away a lot this summer, off at the pool and spending time with her friends.  I knew the day would come when she would begin to step away from me.  She assures me she plans to live with me forever....and when she does I have to laugh, telling her she will fall in love and want a home and family all her own, and that that's OK, it is how it should be.
Her brothers have long since flown the nest, but I miss them still.  I am proud of them, pleased they are living their lives on their own terms, doing things that make them happy.  They know, as Emily will, when the day comes, I will always be here, ready to welcome them home.

Emily called home last night, as she has been since arriving at Grandma's.  She sounded happy, with lots of stories about their adventures, including making supper with her cousin, Connor.  She told me that because she gets to cook the main dish all the time she let him make the shrimp lo mein, while she made the garlic cheddar biscuits.  When I spoke to Mom later she told me they had done well, although she was surprised Emily didn't know how to make biscuits, since that should be a beginner lesson.  (There's that word again, "should".  It haunts me!)  She is right, but I rarely make biscuits because I really like them, and I have let Emily choose her menu from the start of our cooking project.
A couple of hours later I received a rather mournful sounding email, my little girl was homesick.  I replied with encouraging words, and the assurance the feeling would pass when she wasn't tired.  I am sure though she will be happy to sleep in her own bed in a couple weeks' time.  Nothing like being away to make you appreciate home.
I am reverting even more strongly to my hermit like habits.  Even my equally introverted boyfriend is teasing me about my retreat from the world.  I've been struggling a lot lately, this alone time has allowed for a good deal more introspection, although I'm not sure that is necessarily a good thing!
Some days I am sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and others I think that light just may be an oncoming train.  All I can do is wait and have faith in my Father and his promises to me