All of us grew up hearing some version of the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." Of course its corollary is equally true, " one ought not treat others as one would not like to be treated." I think if you asked most people would tell you the Golden Rule can be found in the Bible. And most people would be surprised to learn it does not. I think perhaps because it sounds very like the second principle Jesus used to sum up all of the Law: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:39)"
And I don't think you will find many people who would disagree with that particular principle, for all that we may have a skewed notion of who our neighbour is. But that is not what I wanted to talk about in this post.
In several recent conversations I keep happening upon a similar theme. So many of us are seeking love and acceptance in one form or another, and many, it seems to me have poured themselves into relationships to what seems no avail. It seems to me we forget to read the whole statement. We are to love our neighbour as ourselves.
Years ago it occurred to me, probably after some accusation of being selfish, that in order to love others adequately and fully I needed to actually LOVE myself. I had to stop denying myself, putting myself at the bottom of the list always. I needed to recognize I was as valuable & worthy of love & affection as the people I was charged with loving.
While I confess I do possess some hedonistic tendencies, I am not suggesting it is wise to give sway to my every whim & desire. Rather I am saying it is OK for me, for you, to put ourselves a little higher up that list of people we care for.
Allowing myself time to curl up with a novel in a bubble bath, to go out for coffee or drinks with a friend without my daughter, makes me a better mother. Whatever it may be, taking care of myself makes me better at whatever role I am playing.
When I slip and beat myself up, and start echoing those old lies; that I am selfish, or foolish, unattractive, unlovable, unworthy I find it very difficult, if not impossible to be loving to others. When I turn a deaf ear to those whispers, and instead hear I am loving, giving, kind, beautiful, fun, intelligent, wise, I suddenly soften and find it easier to reach out & care for others.
I suppose it stands to reason in a culture torn between seeing self-denial as good, or righteous, religious (whatever word you would give it) and pleasure as evil or selfish it should not be surprising we have lost sight of this. Is it any wonder when the world looks at the people they consider "religious" they do not see love but hate? When did we decide being miserable was holier than being filled with joy?
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