Out of the Mouths of Babes

I suppose it comes of being the child of a mother who writes, but my daughter has taken to writing as well. I write daily in a prayer journal, as I have written before in writing I can lose myself in my thought process, and when life comes to interrupt (usually in the form of needy child) I find it easier to return. In angst of an un-nurturing marriage I poured out my pain and frustration on non-judgmental pages. My Bible is littered with half-thoughts and the bare bones of poems on scraps of paper. I have taken to once again carrying a small notebook in my bag to capture whatever random thoughts manage to filter past the daily to-dos and grocery lists.
The notebook I am currently carrying is as filled with Em's drawings as with my own musings. This morning she was asking me how to spell several words in an attempt to recreate one of the Junie B. Jones stories she has been reading through grade one. I wanted to worship and as delighted as I am at her desire to embrace one of my passions, I was getting irritated at being interrupted and asked how to spell numerous words. And then I glanced down and saw she had turned the page, and on the inside back cover of my notebook she had written: "god you are good at being are fathar [sic] thanks".
Out of the mouths of babes.
This is a 6 year old whose own dad is unreliable and, as much as he might love her, selfish. He doesn't spend much time with her and is easily distracted. Her memories of him in our home are likely not pleasant. I do not mean to disparage him. He gave what he could out of what he knew of being a dad. Unlike other children of divorce she (as far as I know) harbours no desire for our family to come together again. She asks to see him, sure, but when it comes to our family what she asks of me is; "When can we get a new dad?"
What amazes me most about her simple statement to God is that I know so many adults who can not grasp the notion of God as a loving and concerned Father because their own earthly fathers were flawed-angry, absent, distant, demanding-too human, and yet this child understands. Knowing how I have struggled, post-divorce, with the well meant platitude "God will be your husband" (A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling -Psalm 68:5) I marvel at this simple acceptance and appreciation of God as a good father.
My own dad was a gentle, loving and kind man, taken from us far too soon, but having a good father who always had time for us, who obviously loved and adored us made understanding and accepting God as Father was relatively easy. Having husbands who were faithless, with unrealistic expectations of me (& I of them, I am sure) has made understanding God as an ardent lover and stalwart, faithful husband much more difficult to accept.
Perhaps I need to take on my daughter's simple faith. I have told her, when she asks about a "new" dad to ask for one in her prayers, and, in fact, often when I pray for her I ask for her to have the kind of dad she needs and deserves. And yet, though the list of what I am seeking in a husband grows more specific daily, I rarely commit this desire to prayer. I admit there are complex reasons for this-I see it as a selfish desire, I am torn between enjoying my single life and longing for companionship, somedays I go so far as to wonder if I deserve or can maintain that kind of a relationship...but I digress (again)
Maybe, for now, I'll just take a page from my daughter's book.
God, you are good at being my friend, husband, and father. Thanks.