Starting Over, Again and again and again

I don't mean to complain. Really I don't.  I have much in my life to be thankful for.  My children are healthy and happy and doing well.  I have friends who stand with me, who I can lean on when I need to lean a little, or even a lot.  I have a partner who loves me unconditionally, who does all he can to help and support me.  All things considered, I am in good health, I am sure of who I am, even if I don't know where I am going these days.  Lately my prayers seem to be falling on deaf ears, but I still say with conviction God is Good, and I trust His promise to never leave me.  It is hard to wait, but I know there is a plan for my life....and I know the steepest climbs give the sweetest rest and the most spectacular views.  But today I am just putting one foot in front of the other and hoping beyond hope when I look up there will be an open door.


Can you hear me?
My voice echoes-aching and fearful
I close my eyes, as though enforced blindness
   might give hearing keener sense.

Still all I hear is the hollow echo of my tears.

I reach out
             icy, empty hands
seeking to be bolder-
Remind you, remind me
                                    of your promises.
Hoping for a glimmer of the forgotten dreams of youth

I cannot hear you, cannot see you, cannot feel you

and yet
yet

I know you are faithful, you are near.

I long for "Yes" but know
"No" and "Not yet" are answers too.

I can only press on, hang on, bide....

"They also serve who only stand and wait"