Its been some time again since I had anything postable to write about...ah the joys of stasis, that place of waiting, of rest, and perhaps rejuvenation. Daily I seek some random thought worthy of public consumption, and there have been none to be found. Maybe its the torpor of summer, maybe my everyday life is just busy enough that when there is a quiet moment I just seize it and savour it in its stillness. I can not say for sure. I am so looking forward to a few days off next month. I have nothing planned & I intend to enjoy the aimlessness of having no agenda. Maybe that is the cure for what ails my spirit these days, time to daydream, to watch the clouds, enjoy the sun on my face.
And now to the post proper....
I received the nicest compliment today. Maybe to some it would not have sounded, or felt like a compliment, but to me it was. One of the longings of my heart is to affect the world around me just by being me. I'm not particularly interested in making a huge splash, to be recognized wherever I go (not that I would turn the opportunity down). I am in awe of the good souls who have a heart for the mission field-I have no desire to trek halfway around the world to make a change. On the other hand I see hurting, broken souls all around me, people who look and live like me, who need a smile, a kind word, to be seen. Somehow I want my quiet and simple life to impact the people I encounter.
Someone at work today confirmed this for me, quite unknowingly I'm sure. She commented that my boss seems much calmer, less stressed lately. I shared this later with another very good friend and she said she was not at all surprised, because, as she put it, "You are very good at bring people back to zero".
I like to think of myself as an island of serenity in the midst of chaos. Vain maybe, but I don't often succumb to worry and fear, and if I do it is short lived. Not long after my daughter's dad & I split I had a dream about being left alone when a storm blew in. Initially I was angry at being abandoned by my friend to face the rising water, but soon felt assured that my house was on higher ground, and I was safe. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace & security. When doubt & fear & the storms of life threaten to overtake me I remember that dream and remind myself my house, my spiritual house, is on higher ground, built on the solid Rock. I am not always sure of myself, but when I bring myself back to how my Father sees me, my peace of mind & self assurance are restored, no matter what storm I face, and because I know where "zero" is, I can draw others back there too.
It may not be housing the homeless or feeding the hungry, and I am a terrible & impatient nurse & teacher, but just maybe I am making a difference, carrying peace & hope into a world filled with angst and chaos. Just maybe.
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