That Your Joy May Be Full

I have had the strangest conjunction of dream, vision and memory these past couple of days. I am hoping that as I write I will get a better sense of what it all means, because as disparate as these three thoughts are somehow they are inextricably tied together.
Yesterday morning I woke dreaming about seeing my daughter on her wedding day, escorted down the aisle by her brothers, one on each arm. She was beautiful, as brides are, and I marveled at my grown and handsome sons. I know they were all adults, but in my mind I saw my children as they are today. It was a poignant sight-I shouldn't wonder to have a very real sense of deja vu some years from now, and I was filled with great maternal pride. I don't recall any more of the dream, and weddings are no where on the horizon for any of us.
Fast forward to church this morning. Being reminded that a Father who would sacrifice His first & only Son brought to my recollection how I pleaded with God going into a custody trial not to ask this of me. I remember thinking of Abraham & Isaac, wondering if Sarah knew and how her mother's heart would have responded if she had been the one asked to sacrifice the son she had waited for for so long. Even as I wept and begged for my sons, still I said I would accept God's will, hoping against hope. When the verdict came down I felt my heart shatter. I will never forget the pain of that moment, the shock & disbelief.
Fifteen years later, while I still don't understand the why of that decision, I can see God working through it. I have a good relationship with my sons, I learned hard lessons about forgiveness and moving forward, I would likely not have met my daughter's father-and while that relationship ended badly, I do have this amazing little girl in my life.
With these thoughts rattling about in my head, wondering how these two ideas might fit together we entered the second worship and communion. As I stood there considering all the blessings in my life and all the new things I can sense are just ahead I saw myself, standing, loved between two men. For a moment I thought of my sons, but no. As I write this I realize they were still with their sister, another part of the same dream. Standing on my right, His arm secure around me was Jesus, always my faithful friend, lover of my soul, husband to the abandoned woman I have been. I could not see who stood on my left, but his arm was just as secure and tender. His love for me was sure and steady, his gaze was only on me.
I am still not sure what all of this might mean. Weddings are a time of coming together, of celebration and joy. I wonder if I was not seeing a time when all of the broken and separate pieces of my life are finally coming back together. I know I was happy, proud and at peace. All was well. I was surrounded on all sides by love. Perhaps there is more to it than this, perhaps I am stretching a bit, searching for meaning where there is none. I do not know. Take comfort in this, all of you who have suffered devastating loss. Lean on Jesus, trust His support and wait. In time all the pieces will come together and will be restored.