The Wedding Guest

In Peacock finery

though in her mirror sees

a ragged,limping amputee'

the Wedding Guest takes her place-

The wine  vinegar on her tongue

the feast, ashes

lifting a glass to toast

 a smile

never reaching her eyes

No happiness, no joy begrudged

Remembering her own Once upon a time;

forever promises in a kiss

Waiting in Peacock finery

breathing air perfumed in love & hope

lungs burning

Waiting

The Midnight hour chimes

She flees

 sedately from the ball

The Bridegroom, heart aching

knows her pain,

sees her flight

Charges his Best Man

with pursuit,

wanting none to miss the dance

On the stairs the Wedding Guest

pauses,

 looks back,

heart pounding, heart aching

vision blurred with sorrow and regret

She turns 

resuming flight

Startled by a tender touch on her shoulder

looks into welcoming eyes

as the Best Man takes her hand

Draws near to dance.

It is a strange thing to be caught between enjoying one's solitude and longing to be partnered for the Dance, and yet this is where I so often find myself, this no man's land between alone and lonely.

I have been working on this piece for over a month now, but it occurred to me just this morning that more than once in my life I have attended a dance and only just before the last song was played did someone come and invite me to dance.  And this is where I find myself now, longing to join the celebration, but uncomfortable with where, or if, I belong.

I am not married, and yet not single, I have children, but often they are not with me.  I dislike the term "middle aged" because I still feel so very young, but the calendar says otherwise.  And yet, as I talk to my friends who are willing to be honest, they too find themselves in some weird in between-ness.  Maybe it's because we are all on a journey, and none of us have reached our destination, maybe we find ourselves ever between heaven and earth, longing for that which is to come.

This is why I need to remind myself that while always looking backward will cause me to stumble, sometimes stopping to see the vista and recognize how far I have come, to remind myself that though progress seems small it is greater than I realize.

I am not alone, I have a great deal of love in my life.  I am surer of my path, of who I am and what I want and need.  I can laugh and cry more easily, I don't get caught so long now in the brambles and stumbling blocks in my way.  Things may not be as my heart longs for them to be, or as I envisioned them, but life is good, it is very good.