Joy Abounds when Fear is Absent

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

It's kind of funny...you'd think it would be just as easy to write happy as it is to write in sorrow, pain or just pensiveness. And yet, finding myself happy & content I want to gather these feelings close and keep them all to myself, like some secret treasure I can go and gaze at , with that magical thrill of having a secret. Maybe it is just too new and I am afraid sharing it will spoil it or jinx it somehow...and me not at all superstitious (but don't you think we all have our little "superstitions"?) And maybe a part of me is afraid to just enjoy this happiness, fearful that if I settle into it it will be snatched away like so many of the good things in my life have been.
Wait. As I wrote that I recognized the lie in it. Just as much as I, a fallible, human parent, want my children to be happy and have good things in their lives, so too, God, my eternal and perfect Father, wants me to be happy and have good things in my life. Just as I hurt when my children are unhappy or have those good things taken unjustly from them (or even when the loss is due to their own foolish behaviour) so too He grieves when the pleasures of my life are lost or stolen.
I know, and am beginning to see, the return of all that has been stolen from me. After Job had interceded for his friends, God restored his fortune—and then doubled it! ... God blessed Job's later life even more than his earlier life. (Job 42:10, 12)
I have always had an affinity for the book of Job, although I think it is the poetry of it that appeals to me most, and yet there is the story-one we can all identify with at some level. Tragedy finds us all, and so will "Job's comforters" , well meaning friends who do little to ease our suffering, but whose words of encouragement are laced with accusations and condemnation. In those moments sometimes all we can do is hold fast to what we know to be true; that we serve a loving and merciful God, and even in pain and tragedy there is purpose.And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Ah...there I go, wandering away from my original thoughts again. Why do I hesitate to share my happiness, my contentment? I still do not know. Hopefully in coming days I will feel more sure of these new shifts in my life, and being more secure will be more willing to share. I suppose it may be rather like I was with my babies. When I was expecting my oldest son my greatest fear was that his paternal grandfather would take him away to replace my husband, his son in his life (sounds silly today, but the fear was quite real) I found it very difficult to leave him, or his brother, when he arrived, with anyone, but gradually my fear subsided...and then we divorced and custody was awarded to my ex-husband and his new wife. "That which I feared had come upon me..." to paraphrase old Job a little (3:24-26) So when my daughter, surprise & delight that she was, and is, came along I clung emotionally even tighter. I was painfully unwilling to let her go at all, and unfortunately that fear transferred to her, and she was afraid to be apart from me at all. Thankfully we have been largely able to break that and she is now a friendly, open child. In the same way other sources of happiness (not joy, the source of my joy is heaven-sent & I am ever willing to share that) become guarded, and I am fearful of sharing them lest some evil thing see that I am well & truly content & try to rob me of that thing. My, that sounds silly here in black & white. Oh well. I read somewhere recently to "put yourself on view, this brings your talent to light". Don't know about the talent thing, but I am definitely putting myself on view, and making a grand attempt to live, and write, without fear, knowing joy abounds where fear is absent. I think it is long past time to let myself be happy and enjoy it, however fleeting it may be.