What Can Eat You Alive....

Its been a crazy kind of week, with bouts of busyness interspersed with periods of whatever the opposite of that busyness in the extreme. And in the midst of that I was utterly without ideas or inspiration to write about. Sometimes when I find myself staring at the blank screen or page i can just begin to write, stream of consciousness type stuff, and something generally will pique my interest enough to follow through. For some reason even the stream of consciousness tack failed me, which, by late yesterday was quite disconcerting. I have "lost" my ability to write before, usually in times of extreme emotion, but not struggling there I had to wonder at the numbness of spirit I was feeling. And numbness is the best descriptor I have...like an emotional epidural I was quite conscious of my thoughts, but utterly unable to feel anything.
That said I decided, by default, I suppose, to just ride it out. I have endured silence before, and if I am patient, if I can rest & cease striving for it, God does speak again so I can hear, and usually in unexpected and surprising ways and places.

Last night I was chatting with a new friend I met online (you'd think I'd learn, but I keep going back-I've "met" some interesting people and had some marvelous conversations along the way though). He is a cultural anthropologist and has traveled extensively in pursuit of his studies. It is unfortunate that he embraces all religions equally, but it has, thus far, made for some lively conversation!
As our conversation moved on, I found him somewhat reluctant to discuss his past-"the past is pain", he argued. My response? My past is covered by forgiveness. And it has served to make me, in part, at least, who I am today (The quote from William Blake; "The child is father to the man" was in my head). "Wow", he replied.
I didn't ask why that was his response, but it got me thinking about the power of forgiveness again. He commented how kind I was to give this gift, but in truth, I forgave for me, not for those who had hurt me. i explained that one day I looked in the mirror, and I did not like who I saw looking back. I knew the only way out was to forgive and to move forward.
There is freedom in forgiveness that can not be explained, it must be experienced. Anger and bitterness will eat you alive. It was as I typed those last words that I heard Holy Spirit speaking through me. The words rang with a truth to marvelous to have come soley from my selfish heart, and i knew what I needed to share.
I still don't know what in his past is so painful, nor does he yet know my painful past. I an hoping that as we continue to get to know each other something in my tale of forgiveness speaks to him., that it opens a dialogue about the amazing forgiveness bought on the cross for us.

Of course, forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply is no easy thing. I do not mean to make it sound so. It is hard, it takes time, and sometimes, being human many repetitions as old hurts rise in memory. Forgiveness comes at a price, but a price worth paying.
What is your story of forgiveness?