Second Chances

Second Chances...

I stood so long staring at the closed door

Eyes burning, heart thrumming, fingers aching

Torn between acceptance and regret

The click of the latch echoed so loudly I almost missed it...

The sounds of Spring

Drifting on the breeze through opened windows.

I am infinitely glad we serve a God of second chances. Second, third, fourth...we never run out of chances to turn around, repent, call for a "do-over", a mulligan. I don't know about you but I can be willful, stubborn, inappropriately self-assured. That means that sometimes (more often than I'd like to admit) I make poor decisions. I forget to check my map and wind up down the wrong road, having to back track, hoping all the while to find short cur back to my intended destination. But there never is a short cut. At least with every new beginning I know my Father has wiped the slate clean, "try it again." He whispers gently. And thankfully, hopefully I have learned a little something on my detour and will not go that way again, or will not miss-step and can keep my footing.

Given how grateful I am to be given so many second chances, and what a relief it is to know God never washes His hands of me and my mess ups, I try to be as accommodating of the people in my life. I am not so generous though. I am more forgiving of some than of others. I told someone years ago, in reference to my choice to leave my husband, that we all have a line that can not be crossed. We may not know where that line is until it is crossed (in fact, I have often been surprised at where my "line" moves to ) but when it is crossed there is likely no turning back. There comes a time to close the door, sometimes to go so far a to lose the key, and move on.

There are mornings I wake up utterly weary starting yet again. By day's end I feel battered and frustrated, pleading for skywriting, direction so clear I could not possibly miss it. I want, I think, every step marked for me. But when the cloud of frustration clears I realize I would rebel against that too...that the way is marked, but I need to find it on my own, the price of being a leader, not a follower. I have been blessed with good friends who have walked ahead of me, others coming along behind, all of them cheering me on my way, helping me back to my feet when I stumble. Thank you, you know who you are.

I am God opens windows when He closes doors. That His patience is infinite and He will not stop allowing me to begin again, and again and again. I may tire of rebuilding, of repeating my trip around the "mulberry bush" but He never tires of picking me up, dusting me off, and setting my sights back in the right direction.